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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 25320 times)

PRobb

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #15 on: September 10, 2009, 10:56:23 am »

A guy sits down at a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He calls the bartender over and says "I'll have a beer, and tell that douchebag at the end of the bar I'd like to buy her a drink". Bartender says "listen, buddy, I don't know where you hang out, but we don't talk about our customers like that". Guy says "OK, ask the lady if I can buy her a drink". The bartender says "that's better" and goes over to the woman. "The gentleman down there would like to buy you a drink, what are you having?" She says "vinegar and water".
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke

Ryan Slowey

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #16 on: September 11, 2009, 10:22:54 am »

2 cannibals are eating a clown.

1 cannibal says to the other...




"Does this taste funny to you?"
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Ryan Slowey
Albany, NY

My music: http://maggotbrainny.bandcamp.com

seedyunderbelly.com

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #17 on: September 11, 2009, 11:14:36 am »

That reminds me of..

2 frogs were "69-ing"  one said to the other  "Damn We really do taste like chicken"






What Did Jane say when she saw the Elephants come over the hill?

archtop

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #18 on: September 11, 2009, 12:43:05 pm »

Who are those elephants with sunglasses on coming over the hill?

?
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Richard Williams

ssltech

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #19 on: September 11, 2009, 01:00:37 pm »

Glaswegian accent Joke. (Requires a Glaswegian accent to make sense!)

A Glaswegian fellow is receiving a blow-job from his girlfriend.

She pauses, looks up at him and says "Your d
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MDM (maxdimario) wrote on Fri, 16 November 2007 21:36

I have the feeling that I have more experience in my little finger than you do in your whole body about audio electronics..

Barry Hufker

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #20 on: September 11, 2009, 06:31:11 pm »

Yeah... it really does require that accent...


Barry
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ssltech

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #21 on: September 11, 2009, 07:47:40 pm »

Okay... how bout another Glaswegian accent joke?

Q] "What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?"
A] "Bing Sings, and Walt Disnae"!


Try the Veal!
Keith
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MDM (maxdimario) wrote on Fri, 16 November 2007 21:36

I have the feeling that I have more experience in my little finger than you do in your whole body about audio electronics..

bblackwood

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #22 on: September 11, 2009, 08:43:26 pm »

One winter morning a husband and his blonde wife in Ohio were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....."
Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."
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Brad Blackwood
euphonic masters

Larrchild

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #23 on: September 11, 2009, 09:41:50 pm »

A man, wishing to enter the tree cutting trade, comes into the chainsaw dealer and asks for their finest chainsaw. "How many trees a day can I cut with this?" he asks. The salesman says "At least a dozen and maybe more".

"I'll take it" he responds.

Two days later, the man returns with a battered saw, looking haggard and spent. "I want a refund! Two days..Two trees!"

The salesman checks the fluids and pulls the cord. The saw springs to life.
"What's that noise?"
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Larry Janus
http://2ubes.net

seedyunderbelly.com

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #24 on: September 12, 2009, 10:38:55 am »

archtop wrote on Fri, 11 September 2009 11:43

Who are those elephants with sunglasses on coming over the hill?

?



Jane Said "Oooh  Look at those Grapes"

-Jane was colorblind..




-Thanks for the set up though!

xj

PRobb

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #25 on: September 12, 2009, 12:13:26 pm »

The origin story for Tarzna's famous yell


Tarzan: Jane, elephants coming over hill. We swing on vine to get away

Jane: But you never taught me how to swing on vines

Tarzan: Just grab on to anything

Jane: OK

Tarzan:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEYY YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke

billiard

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #26 on: September 12, 2009, 12:33:30 pm »


A pretty redhead walked into the doctor's office and claimed that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Show me what you mean." The doctor said.

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed in pain.  She then pushed on her elbow and screamed even louder.  She pushed on her knee and screamed.  She pushed on her ankle and nearly passed out.  Every place she touched made her recoil in agony.

The doctor looked at her and said "You are not actually a redhead are you?"

"Why, no" she replied "I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so." said the doctor "Your finger is broken."

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"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."   - Elvis Presley

Barry Hufker

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #27 on: September 13, 2009, 12:32:12 am »

I've enjoyed all of these but this last one made me laugh out loud.

Thanks guys!

Barry

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JGauthier

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #28 on: September 13, 2009, 08:30:18 pm »

Stolen from Jimmy Fallon- admission...


They have decided to change the name of the new Rock Band "The Beatles" video game... Since it consists of faking Beatles tunes, pretending to play instruments and generally just fooling around, they are now going to call it... The Monkeys....

The New Beatles Rock band video game has 3 difficulty settings-
1.Hard, 2. Medium and 3. Ringo...
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Taproot

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #29 on: September 13, 2009, 11:32:39 pm »

Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race?  They ended up in a tie.
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Jeffrey Reed
Taproot Audio Design
Oxford, Mississippi
www.taprootaudiodesign.com
www.myspace.com/taprootaudio

"That boy's so dumb, he thinks the Mexican border pays rent!" -Foghorn Leghorn
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