Ya know, I've been talking about this a lot over this last year.. It's starting to bother me more and more. I keep clinging to this idea that it has a calming effect when things spin out of control... The truth is though, that life is going to happen whether I'm smoking or not. Blasting nasty hot poisonous gas into my blood is NOT going to make any of these 'life problems' better.. I feel better now, about most everything, than I have in a couple years.. Smoking DID NOT make me feel better... I smoked the whole time but this has nothing to do with why I feel better.
Another thing, is that I keep saying how much I like it!! Damn it.. I DO.. I like the smell {yeah, I know. Go figure.}, I like the 'activity', the 'ritual'. But the truth is, I can DECIDE not to like it any time I want.. I can move to liking Carrot sticks even better..
There's some fear.. I can't seem to picture myself without it.. I should try.. I really am one of those people who can just stop things like this.. This is the only one I have left.
IT'S VERY VERY BAD FOR ME!!! I'll be 45 soon and I'm feelin' it.
Ivan..................................