"Ramblings of a Retired Mind
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today
is those cell phones that everyone
has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one.
So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid
and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant
before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures
of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age
and decided that old age
is 'when you still have something on the ball,
but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie,
for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.
That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box,
they always say,
"Oh, have you got a cat?"
Just once I want to say,
"No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask
who is to be notified in case of an emergency.'
I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do... Write to these men?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps
so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
Or better yet,
arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
a whole lot more as they get older
Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
As for me,
I'm just hoping God grades on the curve. "
