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Author Topic: My Pet Peeves  (Read 1367 times)

compasspnt

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My Pet Peeves
« on: January 29, 2008, 01:09:11 AM »


MY PET PEEVES.

(from McSweeney's)




BY DAN LIEBERT



- - - -



Women who breastfeed in public but then make a big show of hiding it as if I
care.



Total strangers telling me what to do, especially square-dance callers.



Those pretentious phonies who say "pasta" instead of paste or "Boca Raton"
instead of rat's mouth.



Itchy labels on bungee ankle straps so I itch the whole way down.



When my opera cape gets caught on homeless people's junk.



Waiters who recite the specials in a bored singsong voice as if they don't
really care what I eat.



Bad art in motel rooms, especially bad performance art.



When a woman stands near me and people think her ugly baby is mine and it is.



Dentists who cram my mouth full and don't even ask me one question, though I've
been practicing all year.



Big, conceited bodies of water, especially Lake Superior.



The depressing attractions at the Svenskfilmindustrie theme park, near
Stockholm. (Actually, I may have dreamt this.)



When a can of cheap peas says "Pea Color and Size May Vary" and inside there's
just one giant blue pea.



Halloween decorations in a hospice.



Distant calliope music at night tempting me to forget my duties and run off with
the circus and to hell with her orgasm!



A "nature burger" with fake grill marks painted on it.



People who know way too much about the Merovingians or cheese.



Prank phone calls like the guy who called me selling light bulbs for the blind.
Ha-ha. Very funny. You are sick, mister.



Barbecue restaurants with happy pigs on the sign.



Those foreign guys on the subway who pretend to read newspapers written in
gibberish.



People on fire - they're always asking for favors, even if they hardly know you.



The way road signs talk to you in that stern, fatherly voice.



I never seem to meet those cheerful, uncomplicated women you see on
tractor-trailer mud flaps.



When a lecturer takes a drink of water and doesn't offer us any.



I've been all over the world and have lived among every kind of culture and I
can say, without any hesitation, that the most ignorant, rude, selfish, and self-centered people on earth are babies.



- - - -

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PRobb

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2008, 10:32:07 AM »

 Very Happy  Very Happy  Very Happy  Very Happy

I particularly liked


Quote:

Bad art in motel rooms, especially bad performance art.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke

danickstr

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2008, 11:24:21 AM »

That is a funny guy.  I am partial to a similar vein of comedy, the Jack Handy "Deep Thoughts" books.

Those darn babies need to stop thinking about only themselves.   Cool

or here is a link for the person who has everything  everything:http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Poop-Soul-Stories-H arden/dp/0671014420/ref=pd_sim_b_njs_img_4
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ssltech

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2008, 03:55:21 PM »

compasspnt wrote

Barbecue restaurants with happy pigs on the sign.

This one is near where I live, and it ALWAYS bothered me...

http://www.bubbalous.com/

Keef
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MDM (maxdimario) wrote on Fri, 16 November 2007 21:36

I have the feeling that I have more experience in my little finger than you do in your whole body about audio electronics..

compasspnt

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2008, 06:12:28 PM »

That's some happy pigs, boy.
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ssltech

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2008, 06:20:03 PM »

I think that they might be happy if it was a TEXAS barbecue...

Before I moved to the southesatern US, I always thought that BBQ was Beef...

Better not let anyone from South Carolina hear you saying that!!!  Shocked

I used to have a couple of pet peeves, but I had to get rid of them when I moved into an apartment.

Keef
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MDM (maxdimario) wrote on Fri, 16 November 2007 21:36

I have the feeling that I have more experience in my little finger than you do in your whole body about audio electronics..

maxim

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2008, 09:44:26 PM »

if it wasn't for us, there wouldn't be any babies...


"http://www.bubbalous.com/"

these are cheerful uncomplicated women serving the pork...

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ssltech

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2008, 01:44:25 PM »

maxim wrote

these are cheerful uncomplicated women serving the pork...


I wonder if "serving the pork" is a euphemism...

Embarassed

Keef
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MDM (maxdimario) wrote on Fri, 16 November 2007 21:36

I have the feeling that I have more experience in my little finger than you do in your whole body about audio electronics..

Tomas Danko

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Re: My Pet Peeves
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2008, 02:34:00 PM »

danickstr wrote on Tue, 29 January 2008 16:24

That is a funny guy.  I am partial to a similar vein of comedy, the Jack Handy "Deep Thoughts" books.

Those darn babies need to stop thinking about only themselves.   Cool

or here is a link for the person who has everything   everything:http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Poop-Soul-Stories-H arden/dp/0671014420/ref=pd_sim_b_njs_img_4


I get upset when people do not know about Mr. Jack Handy!
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