It sounds to me as if your problem is in your monitoring situation. If you do not hear correctly what is really going on, then how can you hope to translate to other systems?
Things are happening "electronically" in your signal path, and your decisions are reflected "electronically" down the line, on your stereo programme. But if you aren't hearing "acoustically" what is actually happening "electronically," then your decisions are not affecting your mix in the way that you THINK that they are.
What are your mix monitors?
Are they right against a wall, or worse, in a corner?
Do you always listen loudly?
This is where a professional mix/monitor situation, as well as a professional mastering room, come into play.
littlehat has two good suggestions (first two), and if you add proper "main" monitors to that equation, you will be much better off.